The cycle of reading from the Torah, Genesis through Deuteronomy, in synagogues around the world will soon bring to light the biblical proclamation of the Golden Rule, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” That same verse declares, “Do not take vengeance or bear a grudge against your fellow human being.”
I have been thinking lately about Revenge: A Story of Hope, a book by journalist Laura Blumenfeld, that was published in 2002.
The Middle East looks quite different now than it did in 2002. There are new leaders, new policies, and new alliances. What hasn’t changed is the need for people to directly and positively relate to one another, even when they stand firmly on different sides of a seemingly intractable conflict.
In her book, Laura Blumenfeld explained how she set out in 1998 to find the man who shot her father, Rabbi David Blumenfeld, in March of 1986. Laura’s father was standing in an alley of the Old City of Jerusalem, when someone shot a bullet at his head that, fortunately, only grazed his scalp. Her father didn’t die from his wound, but Laura was still haunted by this violent act against a member of her family. She felt that it was her responsibility to seek out the attacker and confront him.
Blumenfeld began to explore the emotions and actions that are related to the human desire for revenge. She noted that both sides in a conflict often try to claim the role as sole victims who feel that they have the right of lashing out and evening the score.
She spoke to Benjamin Netanyahu (the current Israeli Prime Minister) about the killing of his brother Yoni when he led Israeli troops in a 1976 raid on the Entebbe, Uganda airport to rescue American and Israelis Jews held hostage by a group of hijackers. She was amazed that neither Benjamin Netanyahu, nor his brother Iddo, sought revenge in a personal way against the hijackers.
Blumenfeld realized that reconciliation can happen mainly when people move from the collective – the larger group with which they identify – down to the personal, one-on-one level.
Once she discovered the identity of her father’s assailant, she began to visit his family in Ramallah, introducing herself only as “Laura” from America. She began a correspondence with the shooter, Omar Khatib. Their letters focused on politics and the conditions in which Omar had lived. Blumenfeld began to share with Khatib details about her father without telling Khatib that she was the daughter of his
victim.
What Laura Blumenfeld learned was that the greatest revenge she could have was to change the heart of the perpetrator, making him realize the personal nature of his act.
She helped Omar Khatib see that he had injured a man who was trying to work for peace. At the end of the book, Laura appeared in court on Khatib’s behalf and revealed to the court and the shooter’s family that she was the daughter of the man he had attacked.
Rather than being angry, Khatib and all of the members of his family were touched by Laura’s humanity. Omar Khatib sent a sincere letter of apology to David Blumenfeld, in which he said that Laura “was the mirror that made me see your face as a human person who deserved to be admired and respected.”
Sometimes, revenge can be transformed into respect. It’s all up to us.
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